I had a dream last night – all my friends, yes every single one, were invited to a big party … but I wasn’t! I was the only one who hadn’t got an invite – and worse than that it was taking place next door so I could both hear and see all the frivolity! It felt rubbish – and I was relieved to wake up with the knowledge it wasn’t real and my Christmas party invites were still on the mantelpiece. Phew!
Sounds silly perhaps (didn’t feel it!) – but we live now in a world of FOMO … Fear Of Missing Out! Social Media creeps into the home at every opportunity if you let it – and in so doing brings our friends’ happy pictures, anecdotes, one liners, ‘likes’ and so on into our home – a world that’s typically having a great time. That’s cool when you’re high in spirit but not so good when you feel like you’re in the washing machine on fast spin!
F.O.M.O. + Relationship Breakdown
The breakdown of a relationship, whether recent or past, can rev that spin to top notch – the really mean thing is that not only are you having to deal with a huge bag of emotions (cue the grief cycle..) but you also suddenly have to put your financial head on and, if you have children, become a chameleon to hide the hurt you feel and protect them and their emotions – that’s hard….
…and then there’s FOMO – a new angle on it that you haven’t felt before – house/cash/pension/income – how are you going to manage? – What if you are ‘fleeced’? – Where do you start? – What if you MISS OUT? The panic questions are endless. Okay – let’s just call it ‘Fear’!
F.O.M.O. & our children
FOMO doesn’t just apply to you though. Children feel all sorts of emotions when their parents separate including self-blame and a desire to make sure everyone is OK – they can become the proverbial ‘piggy in the middle’ no matter how hard you may try to stop it happening, as this may be their perception – they have their own fear of missing out. You can help them deal with this through the forging of a ‘parental alliance’. It’s not always easy for parents to do; but if parents are unified then that aids a solid foundation for their children’s new life.
Mediation is great at keeping communication alive and aiding transparency. It brings out real feelings in a protected setting and helps to prevent distortion and slow down the spin. Fears are brought to the surface as are needs and ‘wants’ – they can be discussed, balanced, questioned and addressed, so allowing you to move forward – whether in relation to finances, children or both. In so doing you are increasingly moving away from that starting point of fear, FOMO.
Call us on 01908 231132 or Email: info@focus-mediation.co.uk for further information or to book a Mediation Information & Assessment Meeting (MIAM) (10 Locations – Milton Keynes, Bedford, Hemel Hempstead, London , Northampton, Oxford, Potters Bar, St Albans, Harrow and Watford). Read more about family mediation (including our client testimonials) at www.focus-mediation.co.uk
