Last night my hairdresser asked me ‘In or out?’ Everyone knows what this means – but how to decide? That is really the first question we should ask ourselves.
As a mediator I have observed people making decisions for over 17 years and many are motivated either by hope or fear – though some make decisions based on deeply held beliefs that are so strong they are part of their very identity. I’m not talking about those people, as they have decided.
Tribalism
Many of us decide things tribally – we identify with a certain group and vote with them. Unless you are UKIP, that doesn’t help you much on the in or out debate, as most political parties are split on the issue. So tribalism doesn’t work – unless you identify yourself as tribally European or tribally English – but if you are tribally Scottish, they are pro staying in. Actually that helps you decide, sort of. It is interesting to observe that tribalism on Brexit seemed to cause politicians to line up on the issue of benefit cuts for the disabled in the budget – with the pro leaving brigade supporting IDS and the pro staying in brigade behind the Chancellor. What relevance has Brexit to benefits cuts for the disabled? None. Pure tribalism.
Mediation Decision-Making Matrix
Mediators understand how to approach decision-making constructively, intelligently and creatively. It’s their day-job. So complete the table with your hopes and fears then place in order of importance to you. This can help you decide ANYTHING.
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Hopes for Brexit |
Fears for Brexit |
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We will be economically better off |
We will be worse off economically |
|
We will be more secure and safer – less likelihood of war. |
Security and safety will be reduced; we will be vulnerable and alone in a global world. |
|
We will get control of our borders; migration will be reduced. No EU quotas – it’s an EU problem |
The EU will let migrants pour over the Channel – you cannot police 1,000 miles of coastline; we will get all the migrants |
|
Hopes for Brin |
Fears for Brin |
|
Add your own – you get the picture. |
Using a rational system, non-adversarial – try and distance yourself from emotional rhetoric and tribalism – you decide on the most important issues, the probable outcomes on Brexit or Brin – and order of importance – for you. If you are altruistic – choose the best for the young or for all of us. Your ideas are as likely to be right as anyone’s. Think about probabilities and priorities. The experts don’t agree. We are all experts on this. Besides, it is more likely to help you decide to vote than listening to Boris or David! Oh yes – and the same is true if you are litigating at court or lawyers are writing letters on your behalf. Stop. Think. Use your own wisdom and trust yourself .- and use mediation systems for resolving problems, disputes and working out the future. It results in better interest-based results. Just saying – and this is my belief system, so is part of me, my identity. And I think I am right, but I would say that wouldn’t I?