I want to return to my search for alternatives to aggravation, fighting and ritual combat for an alternative Rite of Passage to mark the end of a relationship. Something more enjoyable, or if not that, then at least more constructive and positive. So what about:
- A divorce party at which you ceremoniously uncouple, but in a very different way with an express exchange of promises like when you married, but in reverse. “We promise from now on to treat each other with the respect we would show an old friend and we completely renounce all the habits of our coupledom. We here revert to the boundaries of old friends. We won’t have any couple rights or duties, we won’t mind when each of us re partners. We renounce all those historic ties.”
- A staged separation. Society could have a template for it, so there is an accepted way of splitting up or perhaps there might be several templates you can choose from. You might have a choice of methods, but some would be staged and have certain express and well understood things you do and say on the road to completing your separation and divorce.
- A ritual series of decisions you both discuss, with help from a divorce expert and communication expert (as mediators we’d be ideal) so you can agree a set of new boundaries and expectations to help you manage untangling your roots.
- Intersperse the process with things you will enjoy or that will help and comfort you such as breaks and holidays, even if just camping or with relatives. Nurse yourselves and yes -each other. You’ll be amazed the difference it might make.
You know I think I’d better start work on this right way. After the thousands of couples that I and Focus Mediation have helped separate I ought to be able to invent some really useful tools. This might be an idea whose time has come.
More on divorce mediation here.