Your Children First  

YOUR CHILDREN FIRST 
 
Golden Rules for separating without harming the children 
 
 
Mediation is a really good tool to help you sort out how to co-parent after separation. It helps you work out shared assumptions and ground rules. Some Focus mediators are trained and CRB checked to consult with children. This enables their wishes and feelings to be taken into account in your decision-making. 
 
A few simple changes agreed in mediation can help most families – and sometimes changes can be transformative. As a rule you should always try to separate your feelings from your children’s feelings. Separation ends your relationship as a couple, but you’ll both always be their parents and your children should not lose a parent because you have decided to split up. 
Direct Consultation with Children 
 
Direct consultation in mediation sometimes called 'child inclusive mediation' gives children the opportunity to express their wishes and feelings, be heard and feel valued and respected. With the agreement of parents and children, children can be invited to meet with a mediator. They are offered confidentiality to enable them to explore their concerns and feelings before deciding what they want mum and dad to know. Mediators are clear with the children that they are not being asked to choose between their parents, or make parental decisions, but that the consultation is to help their parents make the best decisions for them for their future. 
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